BITS AND PIECES FROM THE NOT TOO DISTANT PAST

GRANDMA, GRANDMA! HURRY . MY BEDROOMS FLOODING. I THOUGHT THAT ONLY HAPPENS IN THE MOVIES, BUT ITS REALLY HAPPENING RIGHT HERE.
 So, I go downstairs and he's right. His bedroom is flooding because the water is running out of the ceiling. I ran upstairs, jiggling toilet handles, shutting of the washer, the dish washer. and then I reach the back vanity area in what used to be the master suit. Water was running over the counter top, saturating the carpet. Hot water. Very soapy water. Oh crap. He told me he was going to wash his cars at least a half an hour ago.
 I GUESS I FORGOT TO TURN THE WATER OFF DIDNT I GRANDMA. GRANDMA? GRANDMA? WHY ARENT YOU ANSWERING ME GRANDMA?


GRANDMA, I HATE THESE SHORTS. THEY HURT ME.
 What ? Come here and let me see. Holden, you dont have any underwear on again
OHHH, IS THAT WHY YOU WEAR UNDERWEAR? 
 Remember the  zipper PJ incident?
 OH, YEAH. I GUESS I SHOULD WEAR UNDERWEAR RIGHT GRANDMA?


Get your hands out of your pants please!
 WELL WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THEM.?
 Put them in your pockets.
 OH, IS THAT WHAT POCKETS ARE FOR? WAIT A MINUTE, IF THAT WAS WHAT THEY ARE FOR THEY WOULD BE IN THE FRONT!
I'm losing the battle Lord. A little help here.

 I STILL CANT UNDERSTAND HOW GIRLS CAN LAY BOY EGGS.
 Because women dont really lay eggs, they give birth to babies. and sometimes they are boy babies and sometimes they are girl babies.
 OH ALL RIGHT, I KNOW THAT, BUT HOW DO THEY GET THEM OUT? I MEAN DO THEY POP OPEN?
 No Dear, they have a special opening where the baby comes out when its time.
 WELL, WHERE IS THE OPENING? GRANDMA? ANSWER ME GRANDMA? WHERE IS IT. SHOW ME. GRANDMA, IM JUST NOT GOING TO STOP ASKING UNTIL YOU TELL ME.........

As I said, Lord. A little help here