Each year couples celebrate the anniversary of their wedding day when they made the commitment to love , cherish, honor and obey till death do us part. Today, Ed and I celebrate the 1 yer anniversary of another kind of commitment. The day we promised to love, cherish, and provide all things necessary to ensure a child has the best possible chance for a life from childhood to adulthood. Oh, and Obey. One year ago today our adoption of Holden became official and his front and center place in our lives permanent. We are not so delusional as to think we will be here to watch him raise his own family, after all we are in our 60's. But what we can do is to leave him with a legacy of first hand knowledge of our many years of life experience. I wish I could say we we have reached a place where we are done making mistakes, we arent, but I do think we are able to move on from them quicker. I dont think we have all the answers to raise a child, in fact I think with the challenges Holden has presented, I know less, but I am more willing to ask for help . We are readily admit we have far less energy, but much more patience-possibly because it takes longer to catch him and by then we have forgotten why we got up anyway. I think he is growing up with more privilege than my other older three, with less financial resources. He has our unlimited time, our undivided attention, an entire house and acreage as his play space. Our world is his world, and vise versa. He doesnt have to share, a minor glitch in his personality that we probably should work on. We choose our battles. There again, the rapidity that we are required to move into action comes into play. If we dont rock his boat, he doesnt rock ours. He is doubly loved. Very soon I will take refresher courses in Math and Science as I have no idea what he is doing with homework. I thought there was only one way to count, add, subtract divide, or multiply, but apparently thats not true. We were discussing the amount of time I spend in the car again running after him. The miles are adding up quickly and I can remember a few short years ago I could go days (mostly in the winter) without ever turning the ignition key.
The ways in which our lives have changed since Holden came to live with us permanently when he was 18 months old would fill a book, but the way our lives have changed since the adoption are more subtle, but ever so monumental to us. The first thing we noticed is that we stopped worrying about him having to leave us. He had been with us for nearly five years and we couldnt imagine life without him. We were always Grandma and Papa. After the adoption, Mom and Dad. I love when I am in the school and the kids will say Hi Holden's ummmm Grandma? Mom? Whoever you are? Hi. We became an official family, with a new Birth Certificate to prove it. We (and I mean all three of us) began to "move on", to begin to heal, to let go of the painful past.
I have thought a hundred times about writing the story of our journey to adoption in one piece instead of status reports on my facebook that I occasionally compile into a blog. It should be called "The Best Decision is Not Always the Least Painful" or Sometimes Adoption isnt the Happiest Day of Your Life". Because there was a lot of pain in reaching this decision. We had to let go of what we thought his life, his Mom's life, and most certainly our life was supposed to be. "Life happens when you make other plans." But I would not have this any other way. He is our child as much as the three I gave birth to . And he is my Grandchild as much as the other 5 are. He is doubly loved. As I said, he has the best of all worlds.
Holden said it best when he returned to school after we had been to court and he announced to his class that he had just been adopted. In his words " SOMETIMES THINGS DONT START OUT SO GOOD FOR KIDS, BUT ADOPTION MEANS YOU NEVER HAVE TO MOVE AGAIN." Mighty wise for a 6 yr. old. When we talked to him about celebrating this as a special day, I told him some people call this "Gotcha Day". He thought that was weird because YOU ALREADY GOT ME BEFORE THEN. I told him it was the day he became an official Wagner. WHAT I THINK WE SHOULD DO IS JUST SKIP THE CELEBRATION AND CUT RIGHT TO THE GIFT.
Happy Wagner Day Holden
Love, Your Mom
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