SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT

About 3 years ago Ed was diagnosed with a Triple A aneurysm- meaning he has one in his abdominal aorta and one in each of his arteries going into his legs.  He went through a rapid growth period where they had doubled in size within a 6 month period, and then stabilized for the last 18 months at a 4.9.  The point which the risk of surgery vs the risk of rupture are equal is at 5.  He has been checked and scanned every 6 months  at University of Michigan's Cardio/Vascular department, and that was where we went on Friday morning. I wasnt feeling good about this appointment all week, thought it was just residual stress from all that has been going on lately with family, and  the trip from hell on the roads Thursday night didnt help. Everything from zero visibility to black ice created enough tension in the car that Holden became obsessed with what time it was, how many miles had we gone, were we sure the pool would still be open when we got to the hotel. On and on and on for over 4 hours.  I think if he had kicked the back of my seat one more time I'd have jumped out of the moving car since it was going slow enough I wouldnt have been hurt anyway.

I didnt go with Ed at 6:00 am the next morning for his scans, and he was finished by the time  Holden was in the pool again when it opened.  I should have, but  exam rooms can seem really small with an over active kid who can't get wi fi on his kindle.

Ed has gone through another rapid growth since May and is now at 5.2.  Its time, but yet its never a good time.  We have a lot to think about like when and what type of  procedure. Ed told his surgeon he cannot make that decision without first talking to me. It  will not get better and it will probably continue to  grow.  We could wait  another 6 months, but who wants to be under restrictions for the summer. Who knows how much it can grow in that amount of time.  We have sort of felt like he was a walking time bomb as it . We know he will have the surgery. Its just the other factors involved in our decision , such as his health status in another 6 months, and a new year of deductibles. Do we want to do this  before or after Christmas.   By having 3 stents  placed it will mean less recovery, but it is only a fix, not a repair.  He will need to be monitored closely for several years for stent failure. Open surgery will repair the problem-period, but with much more recovery time and healing. He will never  be any younger or any healthier than he is today.

However, the most important and complicated consideration is Holden.  For the past 7 years, any decision we have made has been with his best interest in mind, and this one is a biggy.  I cant be two places at once.  I cant give Ed my full attention if I am worried about who is taking care of Holden and yet Holden's stability and security is totally dependent on us.  He struggles with change and he is so intuitive that he instantly knows when things are amiss.  Most couples  our age do not have to divide their heart in two.  They are finally able to focus on each other.  We are always vigilant as to how things will affect Holden.   He is so vulnerable.  Its just who we are and how it is. As much as we love our other kids, this one depends on us.

We are scared.  Ed's Dad died from having a triple A repair.  Its on our minds .  We have often talked of  what Holden's future would be like if something happened to one or both of us before he is an independent adult.  When you are 63 and 65 and your child is 8 you need to think of this as reality.  We both want to watch him grow up, so we need to  take care of this.  But first, we need to find a quiet space to talk about it.  Maybe Monday when Holden is in school.