TOUGHEN UP

Have you ever seen the commercial on television where the little kid plays catch by himself? Last week at one of my other Grandson's ballgame, the kids were all playing catch or hitting balls around. Another Grandson and  his Dad, my son, were throwing a ball back and forth and asked Holden to play too. He didnt want to.  Instead,  he was throwing the ball, and then chasing it, then throwing it and then chasing it. I began to think about things. When we were at another 5 yr. old's birthday party, the boys were riding through the field and on the dirt driveway on nubby tired bikes with only 2 wheels. Holden doesnt even ride his mini Sponge Bob with the trainers on the concrete. The cousins were out in the waves at the beach the other night, letting their Dad throw them off the sandbar. Holden was content to jump the waves as they came in to shore. Today he found an old cell phone and pretended to download games and play them on it. The battery was dead. It was a blank screen. He likes "privacy" time, alone time. ..He likes his shoes on the wrong feet. And he hates pants with zippers and snaps. He is still sleeping in our room.  I know he is smart. I know he can reason and analyze and tell wonderful, intricate stories. He can be friendly and can go to day care, and play groups without me. Yet I worry that we are not giving him the things he needs to be a boy.  He is not rough and tumble, snakes and snails.   he not only needs a ball glove, a football, and a hockey stick. A basket ball & hoop mounted on the garage.  He needs someone to play them with him.  We do our best.  I  just always wonder if its enough. My son was all about rough and tumble. He was tough. He grew up next door to his uncles for his first 7 years. He had a sister who tortured him (literally, of course).  He knew if he hurt himself doing something he was told not to do, he had better pick himself up.

 And yet, in spite of my doubts, Holden is happy.  He is close to us and he trusts us. So maybe the homemade ice cream he and Papa made, or the time in the little pool together, or the game of trouble we all just played is enough.  We work hard  to see that he has time with his cousins, sister and Aunts and Uncles who can "play".   Maybe that extra snuggle and closeness he has at bed time is what he needs to feel secure. to feel loved. to feel part of a two parented family. Just maybe, he knows "what" it means to be Mom, or Dad. It's something we have given to him that no one else has. It's not just something you call someone.......it is that someone. He has that.  And he has a part of the chaotic activity from the rest of the family.  So, maybe we are doing enough after all.   Does anyone really feel like they have done absolutely everything they can?